The Edge

Oxford
I enjoy all the luxuries life has to offer like an 83 Chrysler Lebaron on 3 rims and a donut, an overwhelmingly spacious 106 square foot studio apartment off of Van Buren, and half eaten Taco Bell bean burritos. My friend thinks of me as somewhat of a lunar dynamo. I've traveled the world in search of the perfect egg. I'm still looking. As a child I would watch Footloose and dance around a 1960 VW Bug in a dark alley. Then I watched Flashdance and I shunned Kevin Bacon for the more sensual moves displayed by Jennifer Beals. My dream was to dance around a chair in front of millions at Madison Square Garden. This dream was crushed when a man appeared to me and told me I was Lil' Baby Jesus, not the Jesus from Big Lebowski, but Lil' Baby Jesus. I was told to deliver a message, unfortunately I passed out while he was trying to explain my mission. I've been trying to rediscover this vision through the use of carrots and Twinkies mixed with hydrogen peroxide. This concoction has delivered little insight too my purpose. I have concluded the reason I have been unable to reconnect with the man and his message is because of the evil Kelly Clarkson and her ever growing backside, which apparently is large enough to block all electro-kinetic energy traveling from unearthly dimensions. I have taken to the air-waves in an attempt to destroy this ghastly, devil-woman disguised as Kelly Clarkson. Please join me in my crusade to preserve all that is good in this world: monkeys, teenage pregnancy, crack, bunnies, headless horseman, tape and of course the great Barry Manilow (he looks like one of those creepy puppets from the Dark Crystal). You can hear my sermons and psycho babble, weekends on The Valley's Alternative Rock The Edge 103.9.

E-mail: ehren@theedge1039.com